Somethings deserved a sequel, like The Blueprint 2; others need to be preserved in time never to be duplicated, like Martin. Some might not share my sentiments about the culture, but then again, who made me a tastemaker? All I know is that the original post Get a man – The LongLiveTobe way brought me the most views any post on my website has ever garnered. So in the eloquent and expressive words of Aubrey Graham aka Drake, I did another one, I did another one.
A lot has changed since I last posted about this topic. Thank you to my girlfriend for encouraging this post. She helped me understand the other side of the relationship equation. Now lets start the show! This sequel will differ from the original as I now will attempt to help distinguish between a responsible and irresponsible man.
The LongLiveTobe Impromptu Guide to find a “responsible” man:
- You actually can’t go out and “get” a responsible man.No add to cart button here. A responsible man knows he needs help and that he can find solace in a good woman. It’s a long and treacherous road when you are chasing your dreams, and a familiar face that can support you when you are surmounted by the world’s pressure is undefeated.
- A responsible man will not wait for you to beg him to take you serious. He will make it known and there will be no confusion about it. Irresponsible men become fluent in a 2nd or 3rd language when it comes to defining their allegiance.
- If you do happen to make an irresponsible man settle down with you, make sure he has been to jail, lost weight, and put out a book. Shout out to Gucci Mane, but seriously, irresponsible men find a way to sap your best life and leave you liking memes on IG for a living.
- Nothing against memes, but you can’t relate your entire relationship to a hot take posted on social media.
- Responsible men aren’t afraid of labels.If you are just a friend to a responsible man, he will tell you so. If you are just a fling to a responsible man, he will tell you exactly that. It can hurt to tell someone the truth, but doing so lets a woman face reality. The reality is that you could be playing wife to a homeboy. Just because a man is responsible does not mean he is going to take you seriously; he has the right to settle for a woman of his choice and you might not be that. Your faith in God will help you cope in this situations as you have to trust God and his plans for you in the future.
- “I don’t do labels” is the biggest lie some men try to pass off. Most men wear clothing with labels, go to school to attain a label (Dr./MS/CFA/MPH), purchase gadgets with labels etc. Imagine if your iPhone didn’t have distinct labels that made it clear it was an Apple product? What if your 5 series didn’t have any labels or identifiers to distinguish it from a 3 series BMW? The same applies to your worth as a woman. If you let a man have your time without a label, you become homogenous, easily replaced. Don’t be a light bulb, those shits always get replaced…. Aim to be the Sun; natural light is undefeated.
- Without labels, you lose your belongings. You may seem comfortable in your nameless relationship, but it holds no value. Imagine an unclaimed wallet with only money inside. No one can tell who it belongs too, but if someone guesses the right amount of money in the wallet, it is theirs. Your man aka team no labels will let the right threat claim that wallet.
- Responsible men don’t hide thetermsandconditions.Lets talk about some norms in our society. People hook up! This happens, especially when we are in our late teens and early twenties. It is not mandatory for a young man to put bait out in several bodies of water (aka ho phase), but it happens. A responsible man knows when he is ready to settle down and will stop fishing before making his choice. Keyword is BEFORE. If you meet a man and he has multiple women on his roster, what makes you think you’re going to make him restructure contracts? Too many women get hurt because the terms and conditions are in small print hidden deep within the freshly trimmed beard and pearly white teeth.
- The truth will set you free; and a good relationship shouldn’t come with a fee! A responsible man is going to be upfront with topics affecting your relationship before it blindsides you. We all make mistakes in life, and you can’t hold a good man down (so the saying goes). Same goes out to women, be truthful in the beginning or you might pay for it big time in the end. It’s always the hit we don’t see coming that knocks us out for the count. Undefeated.
- A responsible man plans ahead of time.Being spontaneous is fun, but without an offsetting pensive side, a spontaneous partner will become a distraction. Its like dating a Cialis and Viagra commercial; they always say “cause you never know when the moment is right.” (we at a funeral, chill ya 4-hr energy in a pill ass down). A real man is able to plan ahead of time whether it is for a date or a simple talk. Ladies, when you meet a man, don’t tolerate a lack of planning. It takes nothing to set a day and time for a dinner date. It’s a simple gesture that can weed out the irresponsible men. Now some men are busy, but if he took the time out to chase you he can take the same time out to plan for you.
- A responsible man won’t play house with you only to scream “I’m not ready for a relationship.” If a guy you are sexually involved with states this, try getting naked and see how quick and ready he is for relations. As mentioned earlier, people can be on the same page and not in a committed relationship, but it is more often the case of people being led on to think they are on the path to a committed relationship. A responsible man knows the plans he has for you after a couple of dates.
- Ask your current partner this question if you want to see where his head is at. “Where do you see us in six months to a year?” There is no one right answer, but there is a wrong answer: “I don’t know, why you asking me that?” When it comes to men, lack of vision is undefeated.
Fellas – If this post ruffles your feathers, you may be part of the problem. There are plenty of women that are comfortable with a “here today gone tomorrow” relationships, just leave the women who know their worth alone. I’m not hating on you for only loving your bed and your momma.
Ladies – You are precious to the world. There is no history without you. Thank you to my mother, a single parent that taught me some of these basic principles as a young man. To my 3 sisters Aisha, Jeanny and Krystal for always giving me reasons to appreciate black women. Please share if you found this useful! I appreciate all the support!