*Disclaimer: These are views from a single man. Don’t come crying to me because my methods didn’t guarantee the man of your dreams. Go and pray sis.
I grew up with 3 beautiful sisters and a lovely mother in a single parent household. I had an older brother, but he was out of the house on his own at an early age; I didn’t really get time to bond with him as a kid. My women kin taught me a lot about how to treat women and I also knew some model men to learn from. I’m 27 now and still single, but this is not a reflection of terrible dating etiquette or being a player. I’m single because I’m too busy writing articles on my blog to engage you guys! (I’ll share the real reason later in a post)
Let’s get to the main topic. I thought I should share my views on dating and how to decipher a man’s intentions when dating. This is not a complete handbook, but more of an impromptu guide that will help alongside your womanly instincts. I believe women are the smarter gender and more times than none will figure out our games; so, trust your instincts and simultaneously lay your desires with God. He will help direct you in finding a mate.
The LongLiveTobe Impromptu Guide to find a man:
- Stop chasing the dream guy
- You want Idris Elba; you are not getting Idris Elba. I know, what a bummer! You probably won’t get a guy close to Idris either. A man should help fulfill your needs and not your wants (vice versa for men). Your dream guy is probably in a relationship, not ready for you, or unavailable due to his loyalty to his boys and his fan base of women. Notice I said, “stop chasing.” If you’re dream guy is going after you as a man then entertain him. Going after a woman as a boy is a very prevalent theme. I’ll touch on some hints on boys/men later.
- Be wary of first impressions
- This is an ambiguous topic. Sometimes the stars align and you meet someone in a strange way and it works out for the best. Let’s assume you want to play it safe in this post.
- The first time a man sees you is exactly how he will describe you to his friends. If I meet a chick who was drunk at the bar and we just happened to hit it off, I’m telling my boys the next day that I met a drunk chick at the bar who was mad cool and I’m trying to make a move next weekend. Most guys have a friend or two they recollect events with. Don’t be the topic of the conversation and not be shown in a positive light. Men have pride and never want to explain how the girl who was just a one nighter or a friend with benefits turned into the wife. I know a lot of men who keep their gf’s in the dark just because of this. (ps. It’s cool bro, if you love her that’s all that counts)
- If you think you must meet a guy and can’t wait until you are more coherent or in a better setting, I beg you to use social media! Just hit him up with that “I think I saw you” one liner.
- Don’t want him more than he wants you.
- Ladies need to understand this. If the want/admiration is not 50/50 or skewed in your favor, then it’s a problem. Once a man knows how bad you want him, he gets comfortable. I know plenty situations where the woman thinks the man is her prize while the man thinks she is cool. She pushes for everything in the relationship only to realize you can’t make a man get down on one knee.
- I will let women in on a secret. Men sometimes get into relationships for something to fall back on. We get into these relationships because “we know our girls,” they don’t need dates and honor. They just want the occasional appearance on their Instagram, cuddle time and a man their parents will accept. This is the mindset of men that get into relationships with women that want them more than they want the woman.
- Does he respect and honor you in public vs private?
- In the bedroom: Baby, I love you. You know I cant function without you
- At his surprise graduation/birthday party YOU put together: Thanks to everyone that helped plan this. I love you all.
- This one might hurt, because it could bring back cold memories. If this is currently your relationship, you must delineate between deceit and intimacy. Some men are very private and personal. Study their relationships with family and friends to confirm this. If you have a man that is loving and vocal about this to his family and friends, why is he hiding his love for you?
- Let the man pay for the 1st date
- I might lose my guys with this post lol. The 1st date a man takes you on should be 100% paid for by that man. I don’t think all dates in a relationship must be paid for by a man, but the 1st one is not up for bargain.
- Reasoning behind this: Dates don’t necessarily have to be expensive! A man that is really interested with you and going through financial struggles can creatively find ways to please you on a date. There are friends who can help, free date ideas, and many locations that offer a great setting for a date.
- Let a man pick you up for a date vs meet you.
- I understand the safety concern with showing a guy where you live on the 1st This doesn’t mean he can’t come and pick you up from a different location! I just think it’s something so sexy about picking up a woman and seeing her first walk out a crib.
- He needs to come out the car when he picks you up. If he honks the horn at you or calls you from his car, he needs to be set straight. Don’t make this a date breaker, just ask him why he didn’t bother to come to the door.
- How long is a man waiting to take you out?
- If he is interested in you, he will take you out as soon as possible. We are men not boys; we take women out before we think about getting them in. If you meet a guy and he seems like a good fit, but isn’t stepping up to the plate, drop hints and move on.
- If he makes you ask “what are we” you aint shit.
- A man will either tell you what he wants from you or show you what he thinks you are to him. Asking “what are we” is a good way to get clarification, but I honestly think men are purposeful beings that will do things to let you get the message early. Pay attention to signs. If a man is introducing you to close friends and family, then it is likely he is taking you serious. There can be anomalies with men and their signals actually being false indicators, but trust your womanly instincts and pray about it as well.
There you have it ladies! Let me know if this was helpful or if I should stay away from giving advice to women!