I look like the “dickhead” brother who can’t settle down

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There are a handful of directions I could have taken with this post. I was blessed to take a vacation with my beautiful family, something we have not done in decades. The picture you see covers three generations from my mom, me and my siblings, and the younger nephews and nieces. As I prepared to boast over my family and give a dynamic recap of the trip, I remembered a comment a very close friend made upon seeing the family picture; “Wow, so beautiful. You look like the dickhead brother that can’t settle down.”


I had all intentions of writing a “happy” post, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to laugh at myself and to try and relate to anyone reading this that may be single. I partly blame my mom as she could have handed me a baby/kid so I could at least be the single uncle that loves the kids. I look like a walking heartbreak lol. You know you can’t trust the tallest man in the room with the full head of hair and a full beard. I look like an “it’s not you it’s me” veteran. Alright, that’s enough self-effacing for one day lol, I’ll move on to my next thought:

How can we cope as single men and women when its seems like everyone around us is in love?

To try and answer this question, I looked deep inside my heart and hit a sore spot.

I tend to downplay my strengths and enhance all my blemishes: You have heard people say, “thank God for the blessings you have,” but I am sometimes guilty of extreme foresight. I have this beautiful family with so many personalities and relationships that can help mend/mold my heart, but I am worried about finding the next/right/superior (add any other superlative) woman for me. To make matters worse, I love to preach and will be the 1st to mention the popular Jeremiah 29 v 11 (NIV) “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Oh he talking Bible Bible; get used to it……. As a single man, I have so many gifts and talents that God afforded me to be that salt of the earth, but I sometimes choose to sit on the sidelines due to areas where I feel I lack. Truth be told, my singleness kept me on the sidelines from sharing my abstinence journey (short but it’s still going lol), speaking out against my friends that I see in abusive relationships, and appreciating all the love I have around me. Moving forward, the game plan is to show more gratitude for the smaller things/blessings in life. I’m calling my mother more frequently, trying to keep up with my siblings often, and more importantly making sure I am the “present/active” uncle. There are only 24 hours in a day, but we make time for what we want.


I get jealous: Not in the traditional “I need to see who she is talking to next” way, but more so in the “I should have a wife and 2 kids by now” way. I struggled with this one, because it is so easy to trick myself into believing I am 100% right. I rushed into a recent relationship because of this feeling and it puzzled me when it didn’t work out. It didn’t work out because I built myself up in Christ only to take the wheel once it came time for my relationship goals (I got this big fella smh). I was looking at all the couples in that picture above and thinking, “it’s my turn.” I had to open the book of James to help me drive this point home. James 4 v 13 -16 states below

“Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.”

To conclude this post, I will admit that I don’t have the definitive answer to how single men and women should cope when everyone around us is in love. I can only provide my personal advice which comes from personal experience; don’t let the lack of a relationship confine the love you have in your heart. Countless opportunities will be placed in front of you to showcase how much you care. It could be with a family member, friend or a stranger! Now, please enjoy some pictures from my family vacation below 😊

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Afterthoughts –
I should have gotten a haircut for that trip. 
Not in the dating pool
May remove some of these pics if the fam wants privacy
I’ll have to post once a month to stay afloat with mentoring, podcasting, studying etc…

1 comments on “I look like the “dickhead” brother who can’t settle down”

  1. Wow how time flies! I was sitting and thought about an old friend I knew years ago. I literally googled his last name and it brought me to this site. If this finds you, please tell Finny, J’Yannia said hello and congratulations on his beautiful family! BLESSINGS!!!!


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