Time for change: A woman’s reaction to anything a man says is her choice.
Here we are with another overdue post about issues I feel need to be addressed with my fellas. As black men we are continually taught to control our emotions when dealing with cops, employers, teachers and more. Why aren’t we taught how to control our emotions when we see a beautiful woman? The narrative most times is that you should shoot your shot, chase her, it won’t hurt to try. We then disregard anything that could be present in a woman’s life and proceed to “rap”
Quite often, I have heard from women about their initial and ongoing encounters with men that are interested in them. It bothers me that we haven’t addressed the trauma that we cause our women by the simple gestures we make. Right now, there is a woman who is afraid to go to the gym past 8pm because of a guy that called her an “ugly soul on the inside” for not accepting his dating offer while she was working out. That was just one scenario that is prevalent and overlooked by men in terms of their fellowship. Make no mistake, as a man you must admonish your friends who are culprits in this type of behavior. We can’t let this go on any longer because women will soon lose all hope in men (slow down miss “I only eat Apple Jacks Jills” for breakfast aka all men are misogynist); women losing faith in men and vice versa are equally important issues.
Now, let’s get into some categories/scenarios and start this conversation. I hope this can bring forth conviction to any guy reading this. It all starts from within and the first step is acknowledging your faults. I will address 6 types of men that need to revisit how to “rap” to a woman.
1) The “You gave me ya number so you have to respond” guy
It’s a good feeling when you get those digits, but remember that it didn’t come with a guarantee of timely responses or even a response. I have heard multiple situations where a woman is going through a rough time at work or in her family and had all intentions of responding to a guy the next day. This plan was foiled by the man texting her to “have a good life” after sending 3 unanswered texts in a day.
The world doesn’t revolve around you King
2) The “I like a challenge guy”
Challenges are not terrible, even the Bible says that as Christians we will have our faith tested. The problem with men is that we can’t cope with a bruised ego. People in our lives have spoon fed us praises, encouraged dominance in every aspect of life (dangerous way of living), and made excuses for every loss we have encountered in life. This is a difficult scenario, because I know plenty of men who failed at their 1st attempt to talk to their now current girlfriends. I think the key here is to not be obtrusive and also to be a great listener. There are some cues in a woman’s rejection that could provide some guidance. This topic could be a blog post on its own, but I will conclude with this: Never physically impede a woman from walking away from you because you like a challenge.
Its plenty of challenges for you to conquer on social media King
3) The “Ayoo, you ain’t gotta be so rude” guy.
While we would love everyone to say, “please and thank you,” it doesn’t work out that way. A woman’s response to your “shot” could be dismissive, but she didn’t invite you into her space at that moment. There are absolutely moments where women are rude in their responses, but in reality, we call women rude when they say, “I am ok” or “no thanks.” That is the least bit rude and the “ayoo, you ain’t gotta be so rude” comment is usually followed up with derogatory words.
Keke doesn’t love you nor is she riding. It’s life King.
4) The “You knew what you were doing when you wore that” guy.
It’s 2018. Sad that this mentality still exists. Regardless of what a woman thinks when she picked out her clothes, we cannot make this assumption. Women go through a lot in terms of their bodies and most times, they wear things that fit them to their desired comfort. A woman wearing tight clothes at the gym is not an open invitation to follow her around and ask her out on a date.
What if your boss looked at your long/overgrown beard and said “you know what salary you deserve walking around with that beard in the office.”
5) The “You should be happy a man like me wants you” guy.
You have a good job, no kids, and a charming personality. Keep shining young man, but this is not a reason to have every woman you desire. This is a pride issue with men where we forget that women also have major things to offer and are not these feeble beings that can’t cope without the presence of a man. It’s not wrong to be proud of yourself for your accomplishments, but don’t get ahead of yourself and forget that there is always a man whose decisions are much wiser, pockets much fatter, and a woman that is much smarter.
Stay humble King.
6) The “You gave me pussy” guy.
I contemplated leaving this one off the list as it was sexual in nature, but we grown! I have heard situations where a woman makes up her mind to give a guy some luv aka “the box.” It ain’t none of my business what made this woman do this, but if that’s all she wants and you want more….. just eat your cake, wipe your mouth, and leave. I know men that play the friend role until a woman is vulnerable enough to have sex with them one time (or a few). In order to keep the sex coming or the person, the man will blame the woman for engaging in sexual acts trying to shame her into continuing.
Don’t be a pettywap King!
1 Thessalonians Ch. 4 v 4: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour.